Keep it Real – The Cummings Saga And The Omnipresence of Ali G Indahouse

To fully appreciate this article, and its innumerable shortcomings, a cursory knowledge of the film’s plot (or the UK’s domestic affairs) is required.

You would be forgiven for thinking that Ali G was little more than a stereotyped, dole-seeking, boyakashing stooge (albeit a lovable one) hell-bent on saving the John Nike Leisure Centre – amongst smoking skunk and hosting Driveby FM. However, are there parallels between Sacha Baron Cohen’s 2002 comedy and our contemporary political reality?

DANYOUNGUK on Twitter: "I voted for Ali G because I'm desperate to ...
Ali G Indahouse Youtube

Humour me for a second, an unscrupulous sidekick wielding extensive influence on an aloof Prime Minister – ring any bells? Unfortunately, this not only describes a film with a score of 56% on Rotten Tomatoes’ Tomatometer but also the current domestic kerfuffle.

Forgive me if I’ve gone full A-level English teacher in trying to apply tenuous political undertones to a film that is undoubtedly intended to amuse, but in an age (and a week) where the government seems more oblivious than ever to public sentiment, Ali G Indahouse inadvertently strikes a chord. I refer, of course, to the balding elephant in the room – Dominic Cummings.

Now I don’t want to deliver a cold-blooded indictment of our current government, or an endorsement of your man the G – Alistair Lesley Graham to give him his proper title. Rightly or wrongly, vast levels of scorn have recently been heaped on a Conservative establishment that miraculously survived Theresa May’s monstrous What-The-Fuck-Was-That? of an entrance to the 2018 Tory Party Conference accompanied by Dancing Queen.

The key point is that the current establishment is as impervious to public criticism as Deputy PM David Carlton’s areola are to nipple cripples in Dahouse. Defined by many as the architect of Brexit, Cummings has seemingly worked his way into an unassailable position in the heart of Whitehall. His tentacles appear to have an ever-increasing stranglehold on the decidedly clogged arteries of Boris Johnson (and therefore political power), which is hardly a promising situation considering he is unaccountable in the ways that conventionally elected politicians are.

Ali G Indahouse Nipple Cripple
Ali G Indahouse Youtube

I make no comment about his 250-mile escapade to Durham, but driving 30 miles to ‘test his eyesight’? Really Dominic? You need to stop playing funny buggers, mate.  

Unless ‘testing my eyesight’ is a cryptic way of saying ‘I went dogging’? Assuming of course that the good people of Barnard Castle engage in such cultural pastimes. Either way, it would make an interesting spectacle in a game of Charades.

Whilst there are numerous honest, hard-working individuals both in and out of government, Johnson’s incessant backing of a man who co-ran Klute (voted the worst nightclub in Durham, and therefore Europe), does nothing to alleviate the widespread public scepticism that many of us feel in regard to the intentions of many of our political ruling class – Ali of course provided us with a succinct summary of it being ‘full of pricks.’

Perhaps we shouldn’t take that too literally as a way of expressing frustration at those who govern us. After all, who can blame Ali for his terse description when people such as Cummings, through his inability to even contemplate whether he was in the wrong, seems set on pissing on the unpicked strawberries of public sentiment. He’s taken ‘NO RAGRETS’ to new extremes.

It would be meltdown': Why Boris Johnson can't let Dominic ...
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Admittedly, the crevasse between the public and the politicos is perhaps an inevitable side-effect of a representative democracy. However, a small amount of R-E-S-T-E-C-P shown towards the public by all members of our political would go a long way in healing a country that is as polarised as it ever has been. Maybe booting out the beanie-wearing Cummings is the place to start.

So come on Boris, keep it real – because there’s no doubt that Cummings would have abolished the John Nike Leisure Centre if given the chance.

 Disclaimer: No Animals were harmed in the making of this article.

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